When we see defensiveness, and any kind of reactivity, remember, we are looking at someone's pain. ~David Daniels, MD I read this this morning and am stunned by the truth and the depth to which it pierces in my soul. It rings true for not only me personally, but also for my relationship with others. The defensive mechanisms that are so ingrained in us come out so easily if we are unaware and especially when we are in stressful or painful times. Pain on top of pain. Stress on top of a life of stress. This describes life for most of us. Childhood pain that we had no control over. Stress in our adult years that trigger all sorts of childhood memories and pain. For life moves at a fairly quick pace and we have all learned to cope with life a certain way, which is how our enneagram number was born. When I read this quote this morning I can read it with compassion. When I react to my husband or to my kids in a way that is disproportionate to the situation, I must ...
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I have said I would never write a book on parenting do's and dont's but that if I wrote a book it would be a book of stories. I would tell stories of a person who is growing, learning and changing. Stories about a mom who didn't know what she was doing at the start of parenting and after over 22 years of mom-ing is even less sure of herself but in an even more honest way than when she beg an. My oldest son came back from his first quarter in university with his ears pierced. He had told us that he was going to do that earlier, but until he did I wasn't sure it was going to happen. In fact I think I had hoped that it wouldn't. When he finally got the courage to call me and tell me he got his ears pierced I think I wasn't in the headspace to comprehend the things in his ears. I think I had always wondered what I would do in this moment, I wouldn't agree with his decision but wouldn't know why I didn't agree. Responding calmly to these moments have...